Totally Serious Privacy Policy (Placeholder Edition By Mr. Chat)

Welcome, noble visitor. By being here, you have generously agreed to let us collect, monitor, and possibly frame your personal data in decorative shadow boxes. Don’t worry — we probably won’t sell it… unless someone offers us a really nice lunch. What We Collect Everything. Your clicks, your sighs, your browser history from 2009, and the way you hover over buttons without committing. We may also collect your pet’s name, favorite pizza topping, and whether or not you’ve ever read a privacy policy in full (spoiler: no). How We Use It We use your data to “improve our service,” which is a vague way of saying we’ll use it for A/B testing whether you prefer blue buttons or slightly different blue buttons. We also might train our AI hamster to recognize your face. Sharing Your Data We promise not to sell your information… except to our partners, affiliates, advertisers, and that one guy we met at a conference who seemed trustworthy. If government agents ask nicely, we’ll probably hand it over with a bow. Cookies Yes, we use cookies. Not the chocolate chip kind (sadly), but the digital ones that follow you around like a clingy ex. You can disable them in your browser, but then our site might collapse into existential despair. Your Rights You technically have rights. Exercising them, however, requires mailing us a handwritten letter on parchment, sealed with wax, and delivered by carrier pigeon. Please allow 6–8 business centuries for a response. In Conclusion This policy may change at any time, for any reason, including but not limited to boredom, whimsy, or a full moon. By continuing to breathe while on this page, you agree.